Whether I like it or not, It’s time to talk about Football again.

And since every calendar finds it’s way around to September sooner or later, there was no sense in hoping for a reprieve.

Fuck, it’s not like it was afforded a proper hibernation, as was once the case in the days before the intenets. No, we’ve all spent the last 6 months or so gorging ourselves (or being force-fed) on mountainous plates of Aaron Hernandez’s double-life as a gangster, Riley Cooper’s wildest macho fantasies (I’ll fight ’em all!), Johnny Manziel’s inner Joe Namath and any other Pigskin-related story of even the slightest import. If it’s true that no sport is truly granted a proper off-season in 2013, it’s is especially true of Football, America’s current one true sporting love. The one faint hope I had of the NFL being sued penniless and dropped down a well, the league’s reprehensible handling of it’s serious, life-threatening health problems, was rendered moot by something as simple as reaching into it’s collective pockets and peeling off 800 million dollars for the families of the deceased, the crippled and brain damaged to fight over like needy little children.

No, the game will soldier on, if only a little more tender, a little more safe than the old-timers would like it to be. Not just fans mind you, but the guys who still play it as well, as if there exists no manlier pursuit in life than that of a concussion, or several in succession.

Hey, I don’t totally hate Football, It’s just become the old pair of shoes in my sports closet, if you will. Too tired of too many of the on and off-field aspects of the sport, equally tired of complaining about said problems. Yeah, I’ll watch on Sunday as I always have (and alot more on Saturdays than I used to, to tell the whole truth) and I’ll do my best to find the silver linings. Still, I’ll be counting down the days ’til Basketball starts, just as most of you counted the days till the helmets and pads came out.

What is the funniest thing I’ve seen in sports this year, or in many years for that matter? Johnny Manziel’s HALF GAME suspension. Look, the NCAA didn’t just become a joke overnight or nothin’, they’ve steady been on that case for 30 years or more. Still, what could be more outrageous than finding Manziel’s crime of being paid to sign autographs grievous enough to punish him for, but no so dastardly as to have to miss a whole football game! I mean, that would just be archaic, especially for the most popular, scrutinized College athlete of the present day. And here you thought the NCAA where a band of heartless dicks.

And while we’re talking about Manziel, I gotta say, I love this fucking guy. On the field, he’s some kind of daredevil improvisor, living by the seat of his pants. Something between a midget Big Ben and Michael Vick. Off it, he’s living the life of any devil-may-care 19 year old Bro’s bro, with the only difference being he’s got more eyes on him than any teenage athlete since LeBron James. Look at it this way: Would you have stood up to that kind of scrutiny at that age?

I can safely answer “no” to that question.

Anyway, there’s a fair chance he never makes it at the next level, since he’s small enough to be cracked in two by an NFL lineman and wild enough to spirit to maybe (but hopefully not) someday be found floating in a pool somewhere. I hope he does, though. If we’re gonna obsess over an athlete, I’d much prefer it to be someone like Johnny Football as opposed to some overbearing Jesus guy who isn’t even good enough to be playing in the NFL.

Anyway, that’s all I got today. Here, watch some dogs play Football.

JH

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