The Lakers have no fucking shot to beat San Antonio. Zero.

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The Spurs are going to make the Lakers look like the hopelessly dysfunctional, sad lost puppies they truly are. Sorry to break it to you, I really and truly am. Everyone knows I’m a lifelong Laker fan and while I’m often accused of being a homer, I’d insist I’m unfailingly practical and shit. For some odd reason, this series has become a trendy upset, for reasons I simply can’t fathom. C’mon people, Kobe Bryant ain’t walkin’ through that door.

Well, he is, but he’ll be on crutches.

Have you seen the Lakers’ offense post-Kobe? Take away Steve Blake’s 49 points in the last two games (his two best games in his entire Laker career, mind you) and this team would be struggling to hit 70. What’s left is basically a Pau-or-bust proposition. If he’s not scoring, setting up teammates or drawing double-teams, they are basically dead in the water since nobody on this roster beside a healthy Steve Nash can do anything creative with the ball in their hands. And bless Dwight Howard for trying, but his 6-15 effort in the season finale is evidence of what happens when you actually try to feature him in the post as opposed to getting him shots on pick n rolls and lobs, and as bad an option B as he will prove to be in that spot (with tim Duncan guarding him, no less) the sad fact is, the Lakers have no option C at this point. Point is, you aren’t beating any halfway decent team, much less the Spurs, if you can’t score.

All this talk about the Spurs being old, uninspired and vulnerable? it’s a lazy narrative from people who aren’t paying attention. Excluding the big three, the Spurs supporting cast is actually exceptional young and far more athletic than they get credit for, and the few older contributors (Stephen Jackson, Boris Diaw) have been released or phased out of the line-up. Kawhi Leonard, Tiago Splitter, Gary Neal, Danny Green, and Cory Joseph form a young, athletic supporting cast that stands in sharp contrast to the veteran-laden Spurs teams of the past. These Spurs can defend as always, but more importantly, they can score, and they can run with anyone. If Parker is healthy, I actually think this team is better than it was last year, it least in terms of it’s playoff potential. The supporting guys are that much better, younger and more mature than last year. I really see the Spurs as the favorites in the West, as of right now.

So yeah, the Lakers will be lucky to win one game here, and all of this “The Lakers are better without Kobe” shit can die a quick death.

One more thing. The conspiracy theorists. Those “David Stern wants the Lakers to win for the ratings!”  dumbfucks that toy with my sanity about once a year. Here’s a little deal for you. I’m fully willing to listen, hell, even endorse what you are saying just as soon as you can explain to me  how the San Antonio Spurs have four titles when the League supposedly does everything it can to fix a playoff series for the big market teams, or why the Lakers were swept by Dallas two years ago and trounced by OKC last year, I might listen.

Until then, get the Booooooooooozack.

Rule #1 fo…fuck that, the only rule when it comes to getting me to buy your conspiracy theory is it just has to make sense. That’s easy enough, right? The idea that every few years Stern is like “hey, let’s give the Spurs another title and get all-time low ratings and lose millions in TV revenue. You know, just to do it. Just to fuck with everyone’s heads!” is well, it’s kind of funny actually, but does it have any merit? Or are the Spurs such a fucking unstoppable juggernaut that even the most dastardly referees couldn’t conspire to cheat them out of a Finals appearance, or find a way to get LeBron’s Cavs past the 2009 Orlando Magic? If I sound annoyed, I am. Don’t be fucking stupid and I won’t go on rants calling you such.

So yeah, The Lakers will be on vacation a week from now. Trust me. You might want to turn away now, before it gets ugly.

-JH

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