SOSB'S 3 point play for April 3rd

Starring Andrew Bynum, Anthony Davis, and the ghost of Gilbert Arenas

As in, these are my favorite favorite stories/anecdotes from today, give or a take. Not an exact science by any means, especially since there was some pretty stiff competition, but here they are, in no particular order…

 

 

1) Anthony Davis is a mutant superhero.

And trust me, I’m writing the script to this blockbuster- disney-movie-in-waitng as we speak. Think “meteor man” meets “Rookie of the year”.

The story is that he was 6’2 as a junior in high school, and then blossomed into the shotblocking, gazelle-like phenom you see now, and all you have to do is watch him for 5 seconds to know it’s not a fairy tale. Yeah, he’s got the gait of a clumsy puppy, but just the mere possibility that he isn’t done growing should have every team with a lottery pick wetting themselves.

Not only would you be getting a transcendent athlete who can dominate the game without scoring a point, but you’re also likely inheriting a one-man marketing bonanza. I mean, I can just see it now: Thousands of loyal fans shelling out $10 a pop for Anthony Davis eyebrows!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Already got mines on pre-order, yo.

2) The Gilbert Arenas experience isn’t exactly knocking ’em dead in Memphis

Of course, it can certainly be worse. I mean, nobody is getting guns pulled on them in the locker room or whatever, and Arenas is only being paid the league minimum to cast up bricks instead of the $2o mil. a year he used to get for the same result.

And yeah, it’s only been four games, but a PER rating in the negative is bad news any which way you look at it.

On the bright side, it may have spawned a new nickname (thanks to Jeff Nakamura):

Agent zero-point-four.

3) Lakers fine Andrew Bynum for “numerous infractions”

Presumably because “being a spoiled fucking baby” isn’t listed as a no-no in your standard player contract. Yeah, I’ve already talked about this at length, but what can I say, Bynum keeps adding fuel to the fire.

Yeah, the easy explanation for Bynum’s behavior would be that he doesn’t respect the coach, but there seems to be more going on. It’s not just the fact that he’s saying stuff like “I don’t take part in the huddles…I’m resting … getting my Zen on.” This kid is getting kicked out of games for acting out, complaining about touches and just generally acting like his own personal happiness is more important than the teams’ endgame.

And if I squint my eyes just right, I see a dude who is trying to pout his way of town, presumably because he thinks it’s about time he be the captain of his own ship, or whatever.

With less than two years left on his contract, this shit could get real in a hurry.

-John Hathwell

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