THE NBA TRADE DEADLINE GENIE GRANTS HATH THREE WISHES

My bad. Wrong genie.

Yep, It’s been an odd ass year in the NBA. Hey, weird stuff happens in every sport, but between the arrival of Linsanity, the quirky, cramped schedule and the emergence of the godforsaken Clippers as a legit title contender, the NBA has more wackiness than usual in 2012.

 

And you know what might just be weirder than all of that? The fact that we’ve had zero trades since the season started.

If this were football nobody would bat an eye, but this is Basketball, a sport where mid-season trades are to be expected. Maybe it’s because everyone is waiting to see who wins the Dwight Howard sweepstakes? Could be that everyone is taking their time, trying to get a grip on the new CBA so that they don’t play themselves with the wrong move.

Honestly, the cause doesn’t matter to me so much as the effect. I wanna see some trades already, and since the deadline is March 15, I’d say it’s a safe bet we’re gonna get some.

Nevermind that for now, though. Right now, I’ve got three ideas for trades I’d like to see happen, for a variety of reasons. These aren’t predictions, by the way. More like wishes. If I ruled the world (imagine that), these would be the biggest three deadline deals.

*Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu to the Knicks for Tyson Chandler and Amar’e Stoudemire

Forget about what’s fair or what makes sense or any of that mess, this trade just amuses me to no end. For one, it’s the ultimate in poetic justice and for two, who doesn’t love the   idea of the supposed savior being shoved aside for one that might actually save the team.

The Knicks were in shambles as a result of the ‘Melo trade, just a team with three highly-paid players, no guard play and a god-awful 8-15 record. The fact Jeremy Lin showed up to rescue them from the depths of despair shouldn’t obscure the idea that they were in deep shit.

Yes, this works for everyone. The Magic get more than a good haul for Dwight and the Knicks get a superstar that actually improves the fortunes of the team, record-wise. Howard-Lin-Stoudemire works alot better chemistry-wise, and probably results in a good deal more wins.

Sure, it’s a longshot to happen, but here’s to hoping.

*Pau Gasol to Houston for Luis Scola, Kyle Lowry and Terrence Williams

Of all the rumored trades involving Pau that can be considered even remotely plausible, this is the one I like. Blowing up the team to get Dwight Howard seems less attractive than it once did, and the idea of getting Rajon Rondo, while intriguing, feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

As I covered last week, the days of paying $19 million a year for your #2 guy are just about over, and if you must trade Pau, let it be for 2 or 3 quality players. And since the Lakers’ two biggest problems right now are poor point guard play and lack of depth, this is the best shot they have at getting back into title contention this year. Lowry will represent an unfathomable upgrade at the point, and Scola is a sturdy, talented power forward who give the Lakers a little toughness, and I’m pretty sure they still remember how me beat them silly in the 2009 Playoffs. Hell, Derek Fisher willfully got himself suspended by blowing Scola up on a screen just because nobody else would stand up to him.

As A Laker fan, this trade excites me. The reality is, they have to blow this team up in two years when the heavy duty luxury tax takes hold, so they might as well go for the gusto while they still can.

*Andray Blatche to the Idaho Stampede of the NBA Developmental League for Antoine Walker and Mikki Moore

Here is all you need to know about this trade:

*Andray Blatche is 25 years old and averaged 17 points and 9 rebounds a game for the Wizards last year. He is also an entrepreneur.

*Antoine Walker is 35 years old, currently weighs roughly 295 pounds and is only attempting an NBA comeback because he managed to squander the roughly 100 million dollars he earned in his playing career. He currently resembles Damon Wayans’ fat boxer in “The Great White Hype”.

*The Wizards would do this trade in a fucking heartbeat. Trust me, they’ve spent the entire season begging somebody, anybody to take Blatche’s contract off their hands and they couldn’t find anyone dumb enough. What does it say about Blatche when the Wiz are more likely to use their Amnesty card to rid themselves of him instead of Rahsard Lewis’ 24 million dollar albatross?

Oh, and I threw Mikki Moore in because he’s got NBA experience and an unhealthy love of snakes.

And don’t ask me if this works under the salary cap. Of course it does.

-John Hathwell

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