Shit has changed. Wacky trade sceanrios used to be the kind of thing you had to suffer through on your local basketball court or sports talk radio. You know,  “why don’t the Lakers trade Derek Fisher for Allen Iverson???” and the like. Easy to laugh off, but nonetheless annoying.

Then, ESPN unveiled it’s “trade machine”, a device that allows every armchair Joe on earth to make personnel moves with the click of a button. Damn thing unleashed a whole army of nincompoops on the world, throwing wacky trades every which a  way, logic be damned. Still, it’s not all bad. Sometimes playing around with it can be a good time, and at the very least you’ll read some humorous suggestions.

Shit, it gave me an idea. For some strange reason, we’ve yet to see even one trade since the season start, for reasons I can’t quite fathom. So, I decided to reach out to the readers and have them take their best shots with the trade machine, and I’d take my own best shot at making sense of them, if such a thing is possible.

Alright then…

From Dane:

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Dane says: “Orlando might as well get something for Dwight.

HATH says: Well, obviously you are a Mavs fan and you’d like for your team to get him in a trade rather than risk him going elsewhere. Fair enough.

Question for you though: Do you rememer the scene in “Friday” when Smokey’s mom sends him to the store for cigarettes? Here, let me refresh your memory.

Like Smokey  said, that ain’t enough. Orlando will see better offers for Howard. If you want him, you gotta make it enough.

From Chris F:

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Chris says:  I wanted to get the Magic something for Howard, rid the Knicks of  Melo because I don’t think its working, and get the Bulls scoring,spacing and shooting. The Magic get a star back and Boozer, the Knicks get Dwight Howard. Howard/Amare would compliment each other. Howard/Tyson would be insane defensively whichever way you want to play it. All three get into foul issues so court time doesn’t worry me. The coach does. The Bulls needed scoring they get it and Hedo is always a contender for amnesty if he didn’t work out Taj Gibson makes it all okay to lose Boozer.

HATH says: You put some thought into this, which puts you ahead of most. This trade actually works nice for Orlando, as they get out from under Boozer’s horrible contract and pick up a player in Anderson that fills a desperate need for them (outside shooting, scoring punch) and in ideal 6th man in Hedo. If I was running the Knicks I’d defintely take Dwight over ‘Melo, and Orlando could do alot worse for Howard than Anthony and Boozer, for sure.

That said, the trade falls apart in two places.

1) The Knicks aren’t trading Carmelo. A scenario like this makes perfect sense in NBA 2K12 or fantasy hoops, but in real life New York isn’t going to ship their hometown mega-star out at the first sign of trouble. In fact, I’d consider Stoudemire and Chandler to be reasonable trade candidates before the consider moving ‘Melo. No, I suspect they will give the Lin/Anthony situation every opportunity to thrive before they consider bailing out on their franchise player.

2) You’ve created a lopsided roster in NY. Now you have Stoudemire, Chandler and Howard up front but nobody to play small forward and no wing scoring whatsoever. As it stands, this team would see some serious zones thrown at it, and struggle mightily to score when Shumpert and Douglas aren’t hitting from deep, which is more often than not.

From Dpez71:

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DPez says:  A Bill Simmons special. Utah continues its rebuilding process out west by getting expiring deals with Rondo to be the pg of the future with Favors, Kanter, and Haywood. Boston finally ends the Rondo saga and gets Harris and Jefferson on two year deals to make a final run before they blow it up.

HATH says: This feels like a wishful thinking trade for Celtic fans. A line-up of Harris, Allen, Pierce, Garnett and Jefferson might make some noise, but the bench is still thin and Harris’ productivity has fallen way off this year. Rondo definitely appears to be available to the highest bidder, and the Jazz have assets to burn. Question is, do they want to get rid of a part with a quality big man like Jefferson for a player who, while talented, appears to be somewhat of a locker room cancer.

From Zachary:

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Zachary says: Here’s my “get rid of Josh Smith” trade, which I see coming sooner rather than later for some reason although we most definitely wouldn’t get a deal this good. However I do like this trade for both teams as the Hawks get a guy who can probably move over to center and let Al move back to his natural position at the 4. I think Josh  would benefit from having Kobe as his teammate and really could reach his potential If he had mister Bryant yelling at him every time he took a jump shot.

HATH says: Now we’re talking. Listen, I’ve been saying since last summer that the time has come to ship Pau off for parts. I believe while he’s still a great player he’s definitely peaked, and his trade value will never be higher than it is now. If you could get two or three solid pieces for him you’d be solving the Lakers’ severe depth issues and at least attempting to give them a quality supporting cast around Kobe and Andrew Bynum.

Still, this would need a little tweaking for it to work. If I’m the Lakers, I’d be asking for Jeff Teague and a few contracts, as they have no use for Marvin Williams. And while we’re at it, we’re gonna need to hang on to Barnes, since he’s about the 4th best player on the team right now. I like the basic Smith for Gasol deal, but the Lakers need one or two more rotation players for this trade to be worth their while, and the Hawks have got plenty on that team.

-John Hathwell

Part 2, coming soon…


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