Hey, maybe it’s just the mood I’m in today or maybe I’m sick of white people saying stupid shit in an effort to sound “street” or whatever the fuck, especially when it doesn’t even make sense.  I mean, cut it out already before somebody (everybody, really) gets hurt.

What set me off today, you ask?

Well, it was this seemingly harmless little blurb, in which the writer refers to Amar’e Stoudamire’s trip to the ESPN campus as a chance to “talk the NBA lockout and pimp his shoes”.

Pimp them, he said.

Ohhhhhh, that makes me crazy.

I mean, yeah I laughed my ass off at the thought of Amare’s sneakers standing on the corner in stilettos and a tight dress offering half-&-halfs for $50 while Amare lays up in his apartment a few blocks away watching Football or whatever, but that’s beside the point.

Hey look, I know it’s slang and it’s not meant to be literal and people having been misusing the word in this context for years but it still bugs the hell out of me, and the people who use it in this context still look corny and worse, stupid. Have you ever once in your life seen a pimp walking the streets with his girls, hollering “come and get ’em, real sweet pussy at bargain prices!”? NO, because it don’t work that way, boss. The pimp lays in the cut and lets his girls make the money for him. That is pimping. To break it down in practical terms, Phil Knight is pimping. The NBA owners are pimping.  Promoting his shoes is what Amar’e is doing. Call it shilling or pandering or begging or whatever the fuck else you want. Anything but pimping.

And yeah, don’t tell me I’m being serious because I ain’t. Not really, anyway. All I ask is that you try your best not to sound stupid or make me feel embarrassed to read your words in the same way I feel embarrassed watching Jamie Kennedy or Stuart Scott or whatever.

Alright, I’ve said my piece. Now go watch Morgan Freeman do some pimping and note the goddamn difference.

John Hathwell


Here’s a little bonus for you, since that first video is so damn bleak. Just in case you weren’t aware that pimping does indeed have a lighter side.

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