ATTACK OF THE GAME BLURBS, WEEK 4:PHONY ROMO STRIKES BACK!

Another strange week, featuring a bunch of blown leads and alot of finger pointing, mostly at Tony Romo and the Eagles defense. Not sure what the Cowboys are supposed to do about it, but they are in quite the little dilemma, to be sure. As for Philly, they head to Buffalo with a very real chance of leaving there 1-4.

Yikes.

Otherwise, the list of subpar teams with winning records continues to grow, now to include San Francisco, Tennessee, Washington, San Diego, Houston and the NYG’s, who all stand at 3-1. Safe to say half of them will be lucky to win 8 games.But hey, that’s Football.

———————————————-

TITANS 31, BROWNS 13 The Titans are 3-1. So are the 49ers. Football is so crazy that way. I mean, who has any illusion that either of these teams is any good, and yet the 49ers already look like a mortal lock for the playoffs and Tennessee could be in the catbird seat, just waiting for the inevitable Texans meltdown.

Of course, Kenny Britt being out for the year means probably means they’ll be lucky to get to 7 wins. Who even knows anymore?

CHIEFS 22, VIKINGS 17 Well, somebody had to win here, and since the Vikings were outscored like 724-7 in the second half of their first three games, the Chiefs were the safe bet.

Oh, and I literally have no idea who the Vikes’ back-up QB is, but it’s probably about time we meet him.

REDSKINS 17, RAMS 10 And the Rams fall from mediocrity to haplessness marches onward. Tough to judge Bradford by these 4 games, but he’s gonna run out of excuses sooner than later if they don’t get something going.

BEARS 34, PANTHERS 29 Matt Forte will not, and you can trust me on this, will not rush for 205 yards every week. Oh, and it may take Cam Newton a year or two to get this team winning, but I’d say it’s a close to sure thing as we’ve seen from a rookie QB since P.Manning.

BENGALS 23, BILLS 20 Oh, I totally had the Bengals down as the first team to stop Buffalo’s offensive juggernaut. Totally. 

Hey, the Bengals aren’t terrible,even though they were considered probably the shittiest team a month ago. Dalton-to-Green is showing some real potential.

FALCONS 30, SEAHAWKS 28 Atlanta is either a good team that can’t stand prosperity and play
s down to it’s opposition, like the Chargers have been for several years, or a mediocre team with an overrated QB who will always be exposed as such when they play good teams.

I’m leaning toward the latter until Natural Ice shows me more.

LIONS 34, COWBOYS 30 Couldn’t decide whether I wanted to play the “Lions have a rabbit’s foot up their ass” angle or the “Dallas is fucked because they can’t replace Romo on the fly but they can’t win with him either” one.

Decided to play both, obviously.

Seriously though, every week that goes by I’m less convinced of how good Detroit is, yet more convinced of their good fortune. Still not sold on these guys.

GIANTS 31, CARDS 27 Speaking of lucky bastards. Can’t explain why, but the Giants always seem to win games they were almost certainly going to lose. Well, except that game against Philly last year. That one had to sting like a bitch.

TEXANS 17, STEELERS 10 Steelers aren’t very good anymore. I said it. Yeah, I know their offensive line is jinxed. So what. It’s football, and shit happens in football.

And not to be a dick, but am I the only one who laughed when they cut away to the stunned crowd after Andre Johnson went down in a heap? It’s not so much the fact that they were all in shock, it’s that the cameramen managed to find a couple of the dumbest looking people I’ve ever seen.

Skip to the 1:15 mark.



SAINTS 23, JAGUARS 10 One of the benefits of being established as an elite team is that you get to fly under the radar while everyone drools on the johnny-come-latelies that pop up every year.

So yeah, a team like New Orleans is content to reEl off double-digit road wins while everyone gets all hot and bothered over the Lions’ hot start.

PACKERS 49, BRONCOS 23 Aaron Rodgers is good. So are the Packers. We get it now. We’ll see them in January so long as they don’t start dropping like flies.

CHARGERS 26, MIAMI 16 Another grind-it-out win over a shitty team for the team that specializes in just such a thing. And not for nothing, but why in the NFL is it almost always the coach that gets the blame when he’s not responsible for the personnel?

Why is Sparano the scapegoat for this disaster of a roster that Bill Parcells put together?

RAVENS 34. STEELERS 17 Both of these QB’s were trying to out-suck each other, the defenses scored more points than the offenses and Cris Collinsworth has officially become insufferable.

49ERS 24, EAGLES 23 Oh, the Eagles are gonna want this one back come november. It’s a bit early to write this team off, but man losing this game does you know favors.

Still, don’t go thinking the Niners are good or anything. Right place, right time and right coach is helping the cause, but this team is still average at best.

PATRIOTS 31, RAIDERS 19 One for the conspiracy theorists. Oakland was going blow-for-blow with the Pats until Jason Campbell thru that bizarre pick in the endzone. After that, the Raiders’ Offense looked bodysnatched, the refs started making curiously horrendous calls (my god that P.I. they just reversed was something else) and Wes Welker did his usual dance on the Oaktown secondary.

BUCS  24, COLTS 17 Don’t know about you, but I was really pulling for Spicoli here. Alas, Josh Freeman engineered yet another comeback, and then Colts will have to wait another week to get on the board.


Midway thru the 4th, they showed and a frowning Payton Manning in the owners’ box and my Girfriend said “he looks pissed“.


Indeed.


-John Hathwell
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