THE GREAT SONS E-MAIL DEBATE, part 1.





Ok, so the idea was to debate some of the current topics, but it turned into nutty, non-sequitirs and witty banterisms. We did end up covering a bunch of stuff, including, but not limited to:


 *Pick-up hoops
 *Maya Angelou’s whack perimeter J
 *Tom Hammonds’ dreaded muppet disease 
 *Why the new Sports channels are making it possible to avoid ESPN’s tomfoolery
 *Phil Collins.

Point is, this was fun, and we’ll probably try to do this semi-regular.

And on that note…




HATH: Andray Blatche’s T-shirt has inspired me to try and get a triple-double in my saturday pick up game, by any and all means available to me.









WES: Like, if I gotta do the old Michael Cage “miss on purpose, get rebound, miss on purpose, get rebound” routine, I’m gonna fuckin do it, you feel me?

Yeah.  Steals, assists, rebounds – the working man’s triple-double.  Not saying you can’t score, but you can get that other stuff easy.  Nobody else wants it.


Also, don’t get greedy with the jumper.  Short-to-mid range shit.  Van Arsdale style.


HATH: 

You know how when you played basketball your whole life, you always got called by the names of pro players or whatever? My trajectory over the years has been fucking depressing.



I went from Mulllin to Kukoc to Radmanovic in the span of about 15 years. 

Ouch.

Last week, some high school aged kid called me Louis Amundson. I told me to quit running his fucking mouth and GO BOX OUT!

WES: 

I just got called Jordan.



No, seriously, for me… it was “REGGIE.”  As in Reggie Miller.  That lasted until I was about 14.  I think it was because I shot the three and I was really long (Bilas) and skeletal.  Maybe they thought I looked like him.  God, what an insult.

HATH: 

Last Saturday was my first time back on the court in over a year. Couldn’t believe how well I shot, even tho I’ve been a shooter my whole life. What I can believe is that I’ve had to use the rail to get up the stairs ever since.


 My left knee has been crying itself to sleep.

WES

 My problem is that I got out of basketball for a long time and got into lifting, and now, my body is completely different from when I played.  I’ve lost a lot of touch and it takes me forever to get going.  Even when I do get it going now, I’m still more Mark Bryant than Mark Price.


HATH: 

Oh no. I can see mark bryan in my minds’ eye right now, firing reverse lay-ups off the backboard and smashing his way thru picks and shit. Maybe it’s time to lay off the juice brother?


WES: 

I think it’s way too late.  I’m a changed man.  I will say, though, that I’m really good at throwing up an airball and then shaking out my wrist and grimacing, just so anybody who might be watching will think, “Ah, dude is injured or something.”


HATH: 

Yeah, that trick works, but by the third or fourth airball the dudes start to figure it out.


The non-lockout news is finally starting to get good. Who n
eeds to bother with the NBA players-to-Europe Exodus when you’ve got Blatche and the Rice/Palin affair?

WES

 WES: 

Haven’t read any of the details of that.  In fact, wouldn’t be shocked if half the league has been involved in something similar.  Hannah Storm and Ron Reagan.  Greg Ostertag and Condoleezza Rice.  James Edwards and Mitt Romney.  I could go on…


HATH: 

I’m trying to figure out what the hell “Buddah” ever did to you to put his shit in the street like this?


Where you offended by his turnaround J or something? This would make a hell of a comedy sketch. We ever talk about the Chris Mullin Show sketch on the old Chris Rock show? 



WES

 thought the J. Edwards thing was common knowledge.  Nothing but love for “Buddha.”  Seattle/UW guy.  Knows what he wants.  Gets what he wants.


We’ve never chatted about The Chris Mullin Show.  For me, the everlasting legacy of that lies in the “follow-through/finger wiggle” move.  Get a buddy who will do that with you like Mullin does with Bonaduce, and you’ll get a few laughs.  Of course, there’s a good chance you’ll get beat down, as well.


HATH:  

They did another one that I can’t find for the life of me. They had a celebrity three point shootout with Maya Angelou. She’s out there (obv. it’s an impostor) bricking 3’s left and right, and Mullin’s like “c’mon now, I thought you were supposed to be an exceptional woman!?”.


I miss that show.

WES: 

I just like how you clarified that it wasn’t the real Maya Angelou out there, ’cause that would’ve been something else if they’d somehow shocked the world and brought out the real deal.


Mullin’s about the only one of the ESPN analysts that I can stand, but they even box him in.  He’s the type of guy I’d like to see more of on NBA TV.  More natural.  Him and Kamla.  Can you imagine?  Him, Kamla, and Kerry Kittles or some shit.

HATH: 

I can imagine Rick Kamla getting stabbed with a telestrator pen. That’s how I see it going down.


Thanks to the Sport-specific networks, I no longer have to watch ESPN’s robot parade, ever. Games and the occasional Documentary, but Sportscenter on everything else can beat it. Give me the NFL network dudes, especially Prime and Mike Mayock.

WES: 

I’m with you.  ESPN is great for game presentation, and I generally like their stuff when it comes to college sports.  I watch ESPNU quite a bit.  But, to hell with the Chris Bermans and the Stuart Scotts.  The only guys that can get me watching ESPN are personality dudes, like the mighty Herm Edwards. 


 They had Michael Irvin, but even he made the move to the NFL Network.  I can always dig guys like him and Prime.  Mayock is good there, too.  Conversely, Mayock is atrocious when doing the Notre Dame broadcasts (alongside the somewhat-disturbing Tom Hammond).

Do you even watch any of the NFL pre-game shows?  I realize that they start pretty early for us out here on the West Coast, but I wake up to them.  I honestly don’t like any of them that much.  ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown just went to three hours.  How can anyone watch three hours of that shit?  I can barely stand 10 minutes.

HATH: 

Tom Hammond is a kindly old muppet. Be nice.


Honestly, I usually Tivo the early morning game I want to see and wake up around halftime. Woke up at 11:30 last sunday like “fuck yeah Raiders!”. That was some beating they put on Buffalo.

In the fist half.


WES: T

om Hammond is like John Wayne Gacy about 30 minutes into the process of applying the clown make-up.  He’s a freak.


Oakland/Buffalo was the game of the morning (maybe the game of the day).  I always hate those 10:00 AM games, though. 

 I’m awake for ’em, but it feels so lightweight – so far away from prime-time.

Doesn’t help when you’re trying to get your day kicked off (delicious pun) by watching your team, which is arguably the shittiest team in the league, go on the road and play Pittsburgh, a team I can’t stand.

HATH: Totally disagree. The morning games feel more important to me. These days all the west coast teams suck butts, so after 8-10 morning games with good teams we get stuck with Denver/KC or SF/Seattle. Fuck that. It feels like when MMA Pay=per-Views end early so they put some scrub match on after the main event.

HATH: By the way, just thought you should know I’m listening to the 1984 Genesis record this morning. Phil’s funk is a real thing.

It’s no fun, being an illegal ay-lee-un!

Song is pretty fucking racist, now that I think about it. Don’t know if his spanish accent would play in 2011.


WES:

 Everyone laughs at me when I talk about my love for Phil. Fuck ’em, I say. The man did it all. Also, not racist in the slightest. Phil sees no color-his visual scope is limited to funk, hooks, soul and juice. Quote it.


HATH: I admire your guts. Loving Phil Collins openly is like 

 when woman defend their shithead boyfriends to their friends and family.


“You just don’t know him like I do!”.

Part 2 coming soon…

———————————–

Follow the sons on Twitter hereDo it.

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