QB SHOWDOWN – WEEK 2: COLLINS VS. MCCOY: CHANGING OF THE GUARD

The quarterback is the most recognized and scrutinized position in all of sports. No lie. The QB is, more often than not, the face of an NFL franchise. Praised to the heavens when performing well. Condemned to hell when falling short. He is the assumed, on-field leader of a team. He is the man hitting the X, O, Triangle, Square, etc. on the proverbial Playstation controller. Son of God. Devil’s spawn.

With that in mind, each week presents us with a bevy of quarterback matchups. Of course, the two never actually face each other in a physical sense, and far too much depends on the structure of the rest of the team for anyone to completely fasten the task of winning to the mighty torso of the gunslinger himself. Nevertheless, that is exactly what we will do here on a weekly basis.

Last week’s showdown – BRADY VS. HENNE: THE RECKONING – more than lived up to the hype, as the two combined for one of the most prolific nights in the history of Monday Night Football. Brady put up the type of stats that make fantasy owners wet between the knees, and Henne wasn’t that far behind (while also showing off the ground game that has made him the type of dynamic QB that the Michael Vicks of the world have patterned themselves after).

Week 2’s matchup promises a similar style of revolutionary play and fantastic output. I present to you COLLINS vs. MCCOY: CHANGING OF THE GUARD:


KERRY MICHAEL COLLINS aka “GUN KMC”
Height: 6’5″
Weight: 248 lbs. (supposedly)
Age: 67

The wild-eyed veteran has returned for another season. Pegged as the heir to Peyton Manning’s throne, Collins delivered a regal performance in his debut with the Colts, dropping about 200 yards and a TD as Indy got the ever-loving shit beat out of them by the Texans. Regardless, it’s clearly only a matter of time before the man gets into his groove.

Collins had briefly been in retirement (as of July 2011), but couldn’t resist the chance to “school a couple mo'” and returned to action. An uncensored talent both on and off the field, Collins is known for showing no remorse towards opponents and teammates alike. Get a little drink in him, and he’ll even throw out the verbal venom towards one of his own. Ask Mushin Muhammad

DANIEL COLT McCOY
Height: 6’1″
Weight: 216 lbs.
Age: 15

Young Colt is officially at the helm for the Cleveland Browns (for now), and “The Colt 45 Era” got off to a spectacular start. McCoy threw for 200+ and a pair of TDs. His team also lost to THE BENGALS and looked atrocious in the process. Call it a case of the “early season jitters.”

McCoy is essentially the All-American boy. He enjoys hunting, fishing, and golf. He also has a flair for the dramatic. He proposed to his woman on the big screen at Texas Memorial Stadium. He once saved a woman’s life by swimming 300 yards across a lake to a dock, where she was having a seizure. He is working on cures for various terminal illnesses.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:

This is a classic battle on a number of levels. McCoy is the future and a devoted member of the Church of Christ. Collins is the fading legend and, likely, a Satanist. Colt keeps it clean. Kerry will sniff that China White off the bench during timeouts. Can Colt take that big first step towards immortality, or will Collins send his trademark message: “… maybe someday, but not today, f*ggot…”?

As if you didn’t have enough reason to watch Cleveland vs. Indy already…

Follow Wes Lilliman and weigh in on your pick for “COLLINS vs. MCCOY.” Also, check out this Colt McCoy fan site, and this Kerry Collins fan site. I, too, am amazed that the latter exists.

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