Fuck a Rod Carew, Nyjer is like my favorite baseball player ever.

Sure, he’s playing a mean Centerfield and hitting over .300 for a play-off team, but who really cares about all that stat nonsense? I mean, Nyjer Morgan is about so much more than the numbers, brother.

Nyjer Morgan is about wacky shit, like throwing his tobacco wad at the pitcher (Chris Carpenter) who had the temerity to strike him out, then attempting to bum rush Albert Pujols, a man approximately twice his size. Nuts, for sure, but only half as crazy as calling Pujols a woman on Twitter. I mean, where’s the upside in that?

Some would call this suicidal behavior, others would call it just another Wednesday night at the ballpark for T. Plush, Nyjer Morgan’s self-appointed nutty alter-ego.

Sure, the dude is fucking bananas, but he’s also the most entertaining man is sports right now, so I’ll take the good with the bad. Sports needs characters. Personalities. In these days of social networking and self-promotion reaching the tipping point, from the relentless pandering of people like Shaq and  Kevin Love to the “look-at-me” twitter debacles that take place almost daily (Arian Foster’s hamstring incident was quite the deal), gimme a guy who feels genuine, even if he might be a bit mental. Baseball is in decent enough shape right now, but it’s lacking in big personalities, if not big stars. There are plenty of awesome players right now, especially pitchers in this, the dead-bicep era.

Great, but where are the characters?  Baseball has always had them, and hopefully always will, from the Mad Hungarian Al Hrabosky to Spaceman Bill Lee to Rickey Henderson, among a million others.

Fuck, can you imagine Rickey with a twitter account? Probably pretty similar to Rickey with an answering machine.

Anyway, assuming the Brewers don’t completely eat themselves, we will all be getting the luxurious gift of post-season Plush, and really if you gave me the choice between the Brewers and my beloved Angels making the Playoffs, I swear I’d have to think about it. I mean, if Deion Sanders hit Tim McCarver with a bucket of ice water for saying stupid shit, just imagine what Morgan is capable of.

Oh, please, please please let McCarver say something stupid about T. Plush.

And while I wait for miracles to happen, I’ll sit back and enjoy everything about Nyjer Morgan, marketing juggernaut, and hope the good times never end. After all, the line between .”300 hitting star”and “.250 hitting crazy dude on waivers” is a razor thin one, as Milton Bradley will tell you. Crash Davis said it’s only one hit a week that makes up the difference. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Nyjer keeps getting that extra knock.

Tony La Russa said he hopes Morgan gets a clue. I sure fucking hope he doesn’t.

get your SOSB twitter on:!/SONOFSAMBOWIE


While you’re here, take a minute and school yourself on the art of Plushdamentals:


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