>The 2010-2011 NCAA season may have come to a close with the electric clash between Butler and Connecticut last night, but you can’t tell me there isn’t reason to still be buzzing about college basketball…
… alright, fine. It’s over and dead until the darker parts of the calendar year come around, but you still can keep one-eye slightly aimed in the direction of the amateur landscape while you simultaneously watch the Lakers and Celtics navigate their way through a sea of promising teams and pretenders that will-never-be (DALLAS) in the NBA playoffs. There’s always ample time to speculate about who will be a powerhouse next year, which programs seem destined to rise or fall, and how top recruits will impact various squads.
With that in mind, I present to you… GOD’S GIFT:
(note: I really did think about posting a picture of myself or some washed-up celebrity, but I’m not a delusional ego-maniac, I’m too thin-skinned to take too much criticism, and this really isn’t the time or place because we need to discuss a man who’s ACTUAL NAME IS GOD’S GIFT)
God’s Gift Achiuwa has got to be the number one recruit available as of this writing. I don’t even care about the fact that he’s not a 5-star guy and apparently has plenty of work to do. This is about nailing down a junior college player (Erie Community College, to be specific) who will add nothing but joy to your team, solely based on his name.
To be fair, he’s being recruited for his skills. Kentucky, Cincinnati, Marquette, Washington, Seton Hall, and a host of other teams are said to be interested in him. St. John’s, not surprisingly, is said to have the best chance of landing him. He’s 6’9″ and athletic. He averaged 22 and 11 last season. Did I mention that his name is GOD’S GIFT?
In the interest of fairness, I must explain that the name is the result of his father’s strong religious beliefs. I don’t know if that necessarily justifies the name, but when you’re a Nigerian minister who is sincerely devoted to his faith, then I suppose you can get away with it. God’s Gift is not only a stellar basketball player, but he excels in the classroom and is no doubt the life of any party. How the hell could you not be?
St. John’s will probably land him. The selfish part of me wants Washington to get him. The clever side of me wants him to go to Kentucky, just to know that he’ll be able to walk by DeAndre Liggins (who has “GOD’S GIFT” tattooed on his arm) at any time and simply smile.
Regardless, imagine the announcement (“we just landed God’s Gift”). Think of the signs in the crowd. Just ponder, for one second, what a play-by-play guy like Jim Nantz will try to do with that name. I’m not even going to bother – it’s all too much.
In closing, watch the NBA, watch the draft, and don’t worry about an impending lockout or any of that. A lockout can’t stop college basketball, and you’re likely damned to hell if you suggest that anything can stop GOD’S GIFT from appearing on an NCAA team next year.
I wonder if there are any dudes named “Blessed Wilcox” or “Heaven Sent Thompson” out there…
– Wes Lilliman can be reached at email@example.com and already knows he’s going to hell, so don’t bother.