>THE DOGS THAT LAYED THE GOLDEN BRICKS (OR THE NCAA TITLE GAME WAS LIKE A MOUTHFUL OF SORES)

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Well, can’t say I saw the Championship game going down like that. I mean, I figured the score to be in the low 60’s but nowhere in my imagination did I forsee the game turning into a grotesque sodomizing of the sports’ aethestic beauty that would make even the Big Ten blush. Of course, Penn state’s 36-33 win over Wisonsin in the Big Ten tourney will be tough to beat, but that game wasn’t watched by the entire sporting nation as this one was.


Really, my heart goes out to the Butler kids. I mean, there’s bad games, there’s nightmares, and then there is shooting EIGHTEEN PERCENT FROM THE FIELD in the biggest game of your life. Poor Matt Howard was 1 for 13,  Shelvin Mack was only slightly less bad (not going to use the word better here) at 4 for 15, and Chase Stigall was their most accurate shooter at 27%.


Not a typo, I assure you.


Even the Tournament’s Most Outstanding Player was not immune to the bricklaying epidemic as Kemba Walker shout a lousy 5-19, but I’m pretty sure almost nobody will remember that fact when they talk about the 11 game run Walker had in the postseason, and if he hasn’t played his way into the Draft lottery then I officially have nothing good to say about at least 14 NBA GM’s. Let’s just pray that the kid doesn’t end up on The Bobcats or (god forbid) Minnesota. They are always on the look out for good point guards, you know?


Aside from all the actual game whatnots, I enjoyed all of the other stuff that makes the Tournament the greatest Sporting event on earth, namely Jim Nantz and his annual shitty puns (the title of this post is a somewhat of a tribute) and the always outrageously sentimental “One shining moment”. 


Trust me,  I’m almost never as sad as when the last moments of the video montage fade away, only to be replaced by the jarring “Late Show” promo (I mean, they do this EVERY FUCKING YEAR and it still throws me off), reminding me that I will be without College Basketball for about 7 months. Oh, the misery.


On the bright side, the NBA Play-offs are about two weeks away, so somehow I think I’ll survive.


Anyway, check out One Shining Moment if you missed it, or better yet watch the 1995 version instead. Can’t go wrong with Teddy Pendergrass , Tyus Edney’s end-to-end dash and the sweet majesty of a crying Greg Ostertag. It gets no better, my friends.







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