9:19 AM (PST): Wes here. Let’s get it on…
… to clarify, I’m not doing one of those “minute-by-minute” breakdowns because I highly doubt that anyone is coming to SOSB to get their updates regarding Serge Ibaka’s dunk attempts or anything like that. This will be more of a “collection of thoughts” posted every so often, like during commercial breaks or something.
I’m not making any predictions. The only thing I will say is this: if Kenny Smith is acting like he usually does, then I may very well mute the television. Never forget:
Also, this shit doesn’t start for another 8 hours, so I’m off to go do something mildly productive…
5:20 PM: Already too much Kenny Smith.
5:54 PM: Thoughts on the Haier Shooting Stars:
– Coco Miller = not my flavor, if ya dig. To be fair, I doubt I’m her flavor, either.
– Taj Gibson has apparently never shot from halfcourt in his history.
– Clearly, everyone shares my sentiments regarding Kenny Smith and thank God he lost. Also, credit to Reggie Miller for mentioning Smith’s lard-assness.
6:18 PM: A few players I’d like to see in the Skills Challenge:
– Andrew Bynum
– Andray Blatche
– NOT Hedo Turkoglu
6:52 PM: Inspired by Cee-Lo and his “band” of skanks, Daniel Gibson responds with a riveting 3-point shooting performance.
Paul Pierce is even hated by his (close to) hometown.
7:01 PM: MIAMI BEATS BOSTON for once.
Chuck Barkley has been on fire with his Haywoode Workman jokes and what have you. Accordingly, Kenny Smith has attempted to follow him with a funnier joke and has completely failed every time.
7:06 PM: Up next is, of course, the OLIVER MILLER CALORIE-CONSUMPTION SPECTACULAR. Or some dunk thing.
With the “Far East Movement” throwing down on stage, I hope everyone is taking this perfect opportunity to throw down some liquor.
7:15 PM: The big question, of course, is…
… can anyone OUT-WALLACE GERALD WALLACE?!?!
7:17 PM: “HE HASN’T REALLY HELPED ME OUT AT ALL.”
– Blake Griffin, on Kenny Smith.
Go to hell, Kenny Smith.
7:33 PM: No Gerald Wallaces here, folks. Unless Gerald Wallace is in the crowd. You know what I mean.
7:50 PM: Awesome creativity. Remember the Asian kid who Ibaka helped out by getting his teddy bear? I think Blake should dunk that kid to win it all.
8:09 PM: Javale sort of went into “Wallace Mode” at the end there, but whatever. Blake is just too much of a spectacle to lose. Also, someone remind Dwight Howard that he’s supposed to be commentating and not saying “wassup” to damn-near everybody.
8:20 PM: Alright, I’m done. Fun night. Barkley was my MVP. And I’ll leave it to Hathwell to talk about Darryl Dawkins and that suit.