WACKY WES AND HIS MENGKE BATEER MEMORIAL TRAVELING BIZARRO ALL-STAR TEAM

(Editor’s note: Title is my doing. God bless the guy, but Mengke Bateer was probably the worst NBA player I can ever remember seeing with my own two eyes. And his nickname was “The Dinosaur”. I shit you not)



Sick of hearing people arguing about the All-star selections, with all the “he got robbed” yapping and whatnot?



Well here’s the antidote: We’ve put together a list of the people who did the most to not deserve the honor. Sort of an Un-All-Star team, if you will.


have a peep…


1) SEAN MARKS, Portland (1.5 PPG, 1.4 RPG, .2 BPG)


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Pictured above in a Hornets uniform, the journeyman power forward joined the Blazers this year and has proved to be a valued addition. The stats are consistent across the board, and Marks has made his presence felt in all 28 games that he has been allowed to play in this year. He’s had some big ones, including a breakout, 24-minute, 6-point showing against Milwaukee in December. Surprisingly, he was overlooked not only as a reserve, but by the fans. You’d figure that the only New Zealander in the league would get every one of his fellow countryman’s votes (ala Yao Ming), but apparently, they had other ideas. A shame.


2) OMER ASIK, Chicago (2.7 PPG, 3.2 RPG, .4 APG)


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Carlos Boozer? Hurt. Joakim Noah? Hurt. Omer Asik? Rock solid. “O-Yeah” has been the guy to really open things up so Derrick Rose can shine. And, even with Rose off the court, Asik has proved that he can carry the load. The Bulls relied on him for extended periods of time in a battle with Dallas on January 20th, and Asik responded accordingly. A lot of comments I saw regarding that performance were along the lines of “… might be the worst player I’ve ever seen,” but I thought he showed heart and an “unconventional” approach to the game of basketball… seemingly flailing about as if he’d never played the game before (lulling the Mavericks to sleep, in the process). Provided below is a short but appropriate example of his grace and tenacity, against the NBA’s reigning champions:





3) POPS MENSAH-BONSU, n/a (.3 PPG, 1.6 RPG, 0 BPG)


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Pops has only played in 7 games this year, but he’s already on the cusp of establishing himself as a household name throughout the world. Highlighted by an almost-unheard-of 1 minute, 3-foul performance against the Clippers in November, PMB is showing why England is notorious for its seemingly-endless supply of skilled ballers. He also has earned various nicknames, such as:


– “King Whale
Killer”

– “Big Daddy”
– “The King of Garbage Time”


I didn’t make any of those up.


Pops was the MVP of the D-League All-Star game in 2007, so he’s no stranger to the scene. The Hornets released him in January.


4) MAREESE SPEIGHTS, Philadelphia (5.6 PPG, 3.7 RPG, .2 BPG)


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Speights fucking dropped 23 on the Raptors this year and should get in for this god damned shot attempt alone:





5) ANTAWN JAMISON, Hell (17.2 PPG, 6.6 RPG, hasn’t killed himself yet)


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This is an example of why you should never utter the phrase “it probably can’t get much worse.” It can always get worse. Jamison was on the Wizards last year and got traded to a Cavs team that had Lebron. Instead of a ring, he now stands as the top gun on what is one of the worst team in NBA history. He needs some credit for his ability to remain somewhat positive in situations like these. Also, as previously referenced on this blog, he was dunked on by Vlad Radmanovic:





I want to give him a hug (Jamison, not Vlad-Rad, for Christ’s sake).




6) FLIP SAUNDERS, Washington (coach of the brainless)

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I like a guy who gets it. Flip got it. Flip got it about a week into the season, when he stopped a Wizards practice and walked the hell out. He knew that this season was going to be a difficult one and, indeed, it has been. A 13-37 record and a group of complete idiots (for the most part) should cause him to stop the season and walk out on that, too, but he’s hung in there. The form you take in the storm is what you makes you strong and, in DC, you’re in the middle of a hurricane. Way to go, Flip. In my opinion, they have about 13 wins more than anybody should expect.
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 –Wes Lilliman is the chairman of the Hedo Turkoglu fanclub and 

 collects technical fouls in his spare time

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