Here’s the story of how Mario (Chalmers) slayed Bowser (Carlos Arroyo) to save the Princess (aka take over as the starting PG for the Heat)…
Anyhow, you probably heard things all week long about how it was “a difficult decision” and that Arroyo wasn’t doing anything wrong. That’s partially true. Chalmers and Arroyo aren’t that much different, in terms of overall impact on a game. Both can play the part and are complete non-factors when it comes to the Heat “offense” when things get tight. However, Chalmers is capable of doing one thing that Arroyo has yet to have shown:
… COMPLETELY EMASCULATING JOSE CALDERON WITH A JAB-STEP.
Left him laying there, humiliated. Jose had to sit for a few and then get up and hobble around all over the place. Whether his ankle was actually hurt or not is irrelevant because both scenarios are embarassing:
A) You are faking an ankle injury as some sort of attempt to save face, or…
B) You just legitimately hurt your ankle as the result of a Mario Chalmers jab-step.
Either way, the whole place was disgusted. His teammates sort of gather around, secretly laughing on the inside. Hell, go back and watch as Calderon accidentally brushes a Heat employee (at about 26 seconds in), and she gives him a look like, “Bitch, please.”
That’s the real truth. As a bonus, on that very same night, Chris Paul killed THE ADULTERER, Tony Parker, with a wicked crossover:
I don’t know what CP3 said right afterwards, but I’m guessing it was, “… that was for BRENT BARRY, you FRENCH SCOUNDREL.”
Jab-step me to the floor at firstname.lastname@example.org