Dear Clippers: It's not you, it's me…

I’ve lived my whole life in LA. most of it as a Laker fan, but I also rooted for the Clippers, much the same way you root for the nerdy dude in the teeny bopper movies to get the hot chick, or the skinny kid against the bully.

I’ve seen a million Clipper games, give or take, most of them losses, and you know what?

I’ve had enough.

Sure, it will be hard to give up Ralph Lawler (my favorite Basketball Play-by-Play guy, legit) and his “oh me, oh my’s” and “bingo’s” and whatnot, but at some point you have to say FUCK THIS SHIT, I AIN’T SUPPORTING THESE LOSERS NO MORE!

That’s what I’m doing.

I’m tired of the same old, same old, year after year. Talented, young  roster produces playoff-level expectations, someone gets hurt, or fat, or abducted by scientologists, and before you know it the Clips are out of the playoff race by December.

I mean for fuck’s sake, how can a roster with Baron Davis, Chris Kaman, Blake Griffin and Eric Gordon be ONE AND  FUCKING ELEVEN? How is that even possible?

Well, Baron Davis came to camp overweight (I’m as shocked as you are), Chris Kaman forgot how to play basketball, and less than one month into the season the Clips are so depleted by injury that they are starting a line-up that features nobody over 22 years old. Think about that. A whole starting five of guys who are still elligle to be playing College ball.

Trust me, if DeAndre Jordan is your veteran leader you’re pretty much fucked.

The fact of the matter is, it’s always something with the FUCKING CLIPPERS. Just like a shitty relationship, every year I tell myself “I’m not gonna get emotionally involved anymore”, and sooner than later, there I am screaming at the TV, or unintentionally berating my girlfriend with stuff like “they’re gonna find a way to lose this game, just watch!”, or “don’t get your hopes up”. I’m pretty sure this relationship is unhealthy for me.

The Clippers one (not you, babe).

Oh sure, sometime soon they might get lucky enough to catch a little winning streak, or find somebody stupid enough to take Baron’s contract (they’d have to be Isiah-level dumb, by the way), and part of me will want to believe again.

Never again, I say.

I mean, does anyone realize the level of sustained futility we’re talking about here? Since moving to Los Angeles, the Clippers have compiled a record of 685 wins and 1,336 losses. According to my computer like mind (copyright, Ralph Lawler), they have LOST TWO THIRDS OF THEIR GAMES OVER THE LAST 25 YEARS. Just how much more of this am I supposed to take?

No mas, baby.

This is it Clippers, I’m officially done with you. I  hope you end up happy, I really do.

And no, I don’t want to still be friends.

John Hathwell can be reached at


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