SHAQ'S SNAKE-OIL SALESMAN ROUTINE A HIT (YET AGAIN)



So I was watching Tuesday night’s Miami/Boston showdown, and within minutes I was struck by something so obvious is was impossible to ignore ( Well, beside the obvious Carlos Arroyo jokes). 


The Big phony is at it again.

I mean, there was Shaquille O’neal, SPRINTING from end to end for dunks, hustling like Mark fucking Madsen. Shit, he even made two straight free-throws. He was really something, alright. And how did the Boston crowd, one of the most passionate, knowledgeable fan bases in all of sports, the same bunch who just finished suffering through a year of Rasheed Wallace?

They gave him a standing ovation. I mean, totally blew the roof off the place.

What else can I say except, well, Shaq is the ultimate con artist.

 O’Neal’s first year in Boston has all the familiar symptoms of every first year he’s had in Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, Phoenix and Cleveland. Different city, same old shit.
You’ve seen it all before. Step 1: Show up with a wacky, self-appointed nickname.  Step 2: Say all the right things. You know,like this. Next step is always to pull some kind of publicity stunt to engender goodwill, and a general “man, he’ so charming and personable!” feeling among the fans. 

Something like, um…this.



So far, so good, and just like everywhere else, the Boston fans are eating it up.

Only thing I can say to that is: just you wait.

Trust me, ask any Heat fan (or Laker fan, or Suns fan, etc). It will end alot uglier than it started. Just choose your poison. Backbiting toward the other star players, like the endless years of pot-shots and thinly veiled complaints to the media regarding Kobe Bryant before Bryant finally returned fire during Shaq’s final year in Los Angeles. Posthumous attacks of Coaches, like this  classy number  directed at Stan Van Gundy, or this junior high-level gossip after leaving Cleveland.


I mean, the only people he hasn’t burned is the medical staff. Oh wait,  he did that in Miami. 


Needless to say, the Big fella has enough guile to keep these kind of diatribes to himself as long as he still have to see these guys every day, so as long as he’s still in Boston we’ll be getting a steady dose of the lovable galoot who is currently engaged in a Tom & Jerry routine with Nate Robinson, trading Twitter barbs and partaking in horribly contrived videos like this one.



Point is, Celtic fans, the knife is coming. It won’t be today or tomorrow, but just consider yourselves warned. Oh, and if I know Shaq, I’d say it’ll be right around the time he loses the starting Center job.

By the way, when exactly is Kendrick perkins due back?








John Hathwell can be reached at jonnyhath1@yahoo.com





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